Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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