They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
