She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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