I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
