a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
