When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
