He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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