i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
