Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
