If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
