put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
