I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
