I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
