is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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