Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
