Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
