the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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