i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
