Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you will always have a special place in my vag
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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