Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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