I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize