Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
