He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
