The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
