it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
