I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
