maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
