My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
