I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize