I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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