That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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