Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
