don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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