He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize