i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
