Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
