So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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