I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
