everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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