Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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