Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
