did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
