Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
