happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
