I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
