I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
