there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
