honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
