Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize