grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
