i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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