His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
