I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
