I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
