No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
