You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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