I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
