just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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