did you get engaged???
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
