literally had 100 drinks last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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