I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
