I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
