the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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