Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
how does that bad decision feel?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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