There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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