Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
