I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
