Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
