why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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