Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
